• Dani

Ep. 11 - Is home a feeling? Why it's important to choose a feeling word in home design





*A note from the author: This podcast episode (as well as all future episodes) will be transcribed automatically. The author is currently aware of, and getting hives at the thought of, all of the grammatical errors she's finding as she proof reads her transcript. She recognizes that her former English teachers are likely rolling over in their graves, if that is where they currently reside, but also knows that some things just have to give. Please feel free to listen instead and be sure to read non-podcast posts so you can rest assured that she does, in fact, know how to compose written words into proper story telling.*


Links mentioned within the show:


Facebook Community: bit.ly/design101group

Instagram and Facebook: @figandfarm

Work with me: https://www.figandfarmathome.com/design-packages


Speaker 1: (00:00)

Well, we did it. We hit episode 10 and we are well on our way into 11 and beyond. I did want to say thank you so much for listening. I, it really lights me up to know that, um, I do have people who are listening and that they tell me that they're listening. So I ran into a girlfriend the other day and she was driving by my house as she was listening to the podcast. And she said that was a little trippy, but so, so, so much fun. Um, and I wanted to read this that I got in and this just makes my heart smile. I just listened to your podcast on a long car ride. And I felt like we had a conversation. It was so fun to hear you chat and explore design ideas with a friend you worked with. You're so talented and intentional Danny in your questions and insight.


Speaker 1: (00:45)

Thanks for joining me on that mini road trip. Um, and of course I asked her, well, where did we go? Where did I go with, uh, with you on that road trip? And if you are listening, would you let me know? I sure appreciate it. Um, I do know that someone special is listening in Luxembourg, hint, hint, wink, wink. And by the way we have charted number one, actually over there, of course, Luxembourg is a teeny tiny, um, but it's big enough to have, um, have charts. So thank you so much for listening all the way over in Luxembourg. But text me, text me, send me an email, shoot me a DM at fig and farm pop in so that I know you're listening or better yet. Leave a review. When you leave a review, it exposes the podcast a little bit more and spreads that reach so that other people just like you can listen and learn too.


Speaker 1: (01:34)

And before we dive in to episode 11, I wanted to tell you a little bit more about something I casually mentioned a couple of weeks ago in September, I'm going to be hosting a small group of women for 10 weeks, guiding them and coaching them along the way as they go from beginning to end in the design process, it's going to be an intentional coaching session. It's going to have homework. It's going to have lots of accountability and it's going to be a lot of fun. The group is going to be really small, um, so that I can make sure that I have my eyes and my ears and my feelers out so that they can get the attention that they deserve. But space is limited. So if you want to be a part of that group, I want you to email me fig and farm@homeatgmail.com.


Speaker 1: (02:15)

Email me, I'll send you all of the information so that you don't miss out. It's running September 10th to November 12th, and I want you to be a part. Maybe you want to be a part two, who is this for, this is for, this is for one of those mamas who thinks that design is not within reach or that it costs too much, or that you have to hire a fancy designer in order to get the homie love. This is for you guys, because we're going to put all of that on its head. It's for someone who is willing to do the work, they just need to know a little bit about what to do. It's someone who it's for someone who wants to learn the basic design principles and know how, who wants to learn, how to make your home cohesive, who knows that they need a little bit of help, but would do with a little bit of handholding.


Speaker 1: (03:01)

This is for you. This is not for you. If you want a designer to do it for you. Um, or if you are just willing to dish out all the money to have a fancy pants designer, do it for you. This is not for you or it's not for you. If you're not able to take suggestions, the format is online. So you could be literally in Luxembourg if you wanted to join us. And if you're not able to make the live class, that's okay, that'll be recorded and ready for you to watch later each week, we'll be talking about, um, one of the content areas I'm going to be mentioning in a minute, and then we're going to have, um, lots of Shantel's, lots of homework, lots of accountability. So some of the things that we'll be learning, we're going to be learning about which room is a priority to start with and how to identify the purpose of that room and whether or not that room serves you.


Speaker 1: (03:50)

We're going to be learning how to create a cohesive look without within the room. And that is going to be able to transfer into the rest of your home. We're going to learn how to identify and define your ASR and have it specific to you. We're going to learn how to create mood boards so that you can see it all together. We're going to learn about, um, creating that plan. So that plan is a project map specific to you that that is in correlation with your timeline and your budget. We're going to be, we're going to be talking about what to spend your money on and what not to spend your money on where to shop high and where to shop low sources for saving money, bookshelf, styling, pattern, mixing, curtains, textiles, wallpaper, and so much more. There's going to be lots of opportunities for the women in this group to be able to say what they want to learn so that we can cater a specific to their room, their need right now.


Speaker 1: (04:45)

So if that is at all appealing to you, I want you to stop this episode right now, email me@figandfarmatgmail.com or pop into my DM so that we can get the ball rolling spaces limited. And the deadline for registration is it's going to be in a couple of weeks. So, all right, girls, here we go. Episode number 11, we're going to be talking about the heart of the home, why it matters and what I'm talking about. When I say, um, your home is a reflection of you and it's already saying something. So what does that mean? All right, enjoy today's show.


Speaker 2: (05:21)

We grew up with the phrase. Home is where the heart is, but our culture has shifted and now the messages home should be Pinterest. Perfect. I'm calling BS on that message home. It's not about the stuff, it's about the story and whether you know it or not, your home is a reflection of you and is already saying something. So what is it that you want it to say, Hey, I'm Danny. A former first grade teacher turned home decorator going from a dual income to a single income. So I could stay home with my babies, meant budget, like ramen, eating, Goodwill, shopping budget. And I learned a few things along the way, like how to bring styles to your home without breaking the bait. And I'm sharing it all with you. Tips, tricks, decor, and design advice. So you can learn to tell your story with your style where you can serve living free from the Pinterest perfect trap and start living a life of intention. Welcome to fig and farm at home where redesigned happy living and where it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.


Speaker 3: (06:21)

Your home is a reflection of you. You've heard me say it. You hear it in my intro every week. What does that mean? It means that the things that are important are the things that you put on display. The things that you put in priority are the things that you have around. It means that if dinners and dinner time conversation is important to you. You see it in the way that the table is cleared and there's seating for everyone. It means that if you are a football fan and you love watching TV, you see it. Maybe sometimes in overstuffed chairs and lounging capabilities. It means that if you don't like seeing the outside, your windows are drawn, your curtains are drawn. It means, I mean, we could go on and on in detail, the teeny tiny little bitty clues of the things that are priorities to you, the things that take precedence, if books for you are an important part of your family culture.


Speaker 3: (07:19)

Those are going to be out. Those are going to be accessible. Those are not going to be hidden in boxes. If cleaning is not a priority, you are probably going to see that in the way that your home is not clean, or if stuff is taking over, you're going to see that too. So there are teeny tiny clues scattered throughout your home that tell you what your priorities are. It's a way to read your home. What I want you to hear? What I want you to hear me say is that, um, this is not a judgment. Every one of us has limited time, limited resources, limited capabilities, and sometimes limited help to be quite honest, but sometimes investing in your home environment can be such a rewarding experience because it not only in live your space, but it enhances it can enhance the mood. Home is definitely a feeling and there should be a feeling associated with it.


Speaker 3: (08:16)

So I want you to think about what that feeling is for you when you walk into your home right now, when you think about your home, what is the feeling word associated with it? Is it cold, sterile, messy, unorganized, chaotic, and inspiring, bland, boring. Those are all negatives. You probably caught that. And I could go on and we could do the same with the contrasting list. We can think about, about homes, feeling warm and cozy, inviting, happy, comforting, joyful, and charming. I'm speaking to the mamas who want the positive word to associate their homes in not speaking to any of you who desire to have a cold, sterile, messy, unorganized, chaotic, and uninspiring, bland and boring home. If that is you,


Speaker 1: (09:05)

I'm not sure why you're here quite honestly. But if you are


Speaker 3: (09:09)

Wanting a home to have a feeling that is like the heart and center of your life, that is who I'm speaking to. I'm speaking to a lot of mamas. Um, some of you are not mamas and that is fine. You are absolutely welcome. And some of your dad's and you are absolutely welcome. But the thing that we want to remember is that even though we spend most of our waking hours outside of our home, a home is a place to come home to home is a place that we retreat home is a comfort. Home is a place that, um, we get respite from the world outside of us. And if you have not had your head in the hole in the sand for the last year and a half, you know that the world outside of home lately has been sometimes any number of those negative words, right?


Speaker 3: (09:56)

It's been dark and bleak and divisive and lots of things, scary and lots and lots of things. So home, we want to be a contrast to that. We want it to be a place that feels like a respite that feels like it's good to leave, but it's awesome to come home to, it's good to leave home, but you want to retreat back. That's what Fagan farm at home is about. And when you throw kids into the mix, you are creating then a, not just a warm home environment, but a culture of home, a culture of family at culture of an environment that nurtures inspires, loves and fosters all of these wonderful things so that when you send these little kiddos out into the world, they are able to take all of that light from home and take it into sometimes what is that dark space?


Speaker 3: (10:55)

Right? And I, I don't want to be a negative Nelly here, but the reality is we live in a dark world years ago. Well, before I had kids, I was in my early twenties and dating my then boyfriend now husband. And I remember very vividly being at his family's home and having, um, several friends over, maybe about four other friends. And we were playing a game. This was a made up game. And it's one that I highly encourage you to play around the dinner table, play with. Um, maybe some friends when you're having a glass of wine at night, but this is how the game worked. Very simple. We took a paper bag


Speaker 1: (11:36)

And we each


Speaker 3: (11:37)

Had a piece of paper. And on that paper, we asked a deep question, a question that we just wanted to know a little bit more about. Some of the questions were, if you could be anything in the world, regardless of the pay, what would you be? Or if you can make a big impact on the world, what would it be? If you could invent something, what would you want to invent? That kind of thing? And the question that stuck out to me was this question, what legacy do you want to leave in the world? And there were some really good answers. We all answered them. And my answer was short, sweet, and simple. And my answer was my kids. If I could make a mark on the world in one significant way, I wouldn't want it to be writing the best song, publishing the best book, making the most money in, donating it to charity.


Speaker 3: (12:33)

If I could give one gift to the world, I would want it to be my kids. So if that is the approach I'm taking as a gift giver, I've got a lot of work to do to get these kids ready for the world. And if I'm reading the stats, right, this is what I understand. So from the bureau of labor statistics, and this is after 2020, so after we've spent so much time at home, if you are 15 years and older, you only spend 9.7 hours at home a day, women spend 10 hours a day. Men spend 9.4 hours a day. So if I do the reverse math, it's, you're spending 14 plus hours outside of your home every single day. So if you're home and you're only spending 10 hours at home, well, if I'm sleeping eight, I'm only awake two hours at home.


Speaker 3: (13:23)

So with the rest of those numbers, I am only home with my family. Only 1.4 hours, 1.7 hours a day. That's it. That's the only time I have statistically speaking to really invest in and pour into my husband, my marriage, my family, of course, sometimes outside of the home is dinners out with your family or sporting events out with your family or vacations out. But as we're amping up to go back to school and some of you already are back in school. I know that my kids could be gone from seven in the morning until four at night, from school to an afterschool sport, they get home, they might do some homework. They might have dinner and then they have club sport. And then they're home for a couple more hours. That's not a whole lot of time at home. And so when they are home, I don't want to be spending my time with them.


Speaker 3: (14:23)

Their time here, fighting with the things at home. What I mean by that is hating the home environment that I've created for them to come home to for that environment to be not a respite for them to come home, to, for them to choose those four hours to go someplace else, because it feels different. It feels better. I bet you can think back to your childhood and maybe you were lucky enough to be that home where all of the friends gathered where all of the friends from high school came to your home because it was comforting. It was warm. It was inviting. You had parents


Speaker 1: (14:59)

Who weren't weird. You


Speaker 3: (15:01)

Had maybe an open fridge where kids could grab the pizza and the Cheetos and just hang out. If you were lucky enough to have that home environment, tell me your secrets, please. But you might've come from an environment where you wanted to escape, where it didn't feel good to be at home where you would rather have spent your time at one of those other homes, because it felt better think about that. I want you to think about what that feeling was. What was it that drew you out to that other place? Or what would you have wanted if you didn't have that place to go? If you found yourself at a skate park or hanging out at the smokers rock or wherever you were, what was that place that you wanted it to be? Because chances are, we can identify it. If we name it and naming it, bringing it into the light, gives us power.


Speaker 3: (15:53)

It gives us information and it helps us to formulate a better plan and a plan that we want to create for our home environment. So go back to your feeling word and ask yourself again, what it is. And if it lands in the space of the negative, is that where you want to be? And if it doesn't, then we have some work to do, continuing to ask herself question after question, why it feels this way and what can maybe change in order to create the environment that you want. But you need to identify that contrasting word first. And if you answered that question, you're feeling worried as a positive one. And you have that warm, cozy feeling. When you come into your home, start paying attention to why it feels that way. What is it? Is it the cookies that you make every afternoon is the blanket spattered throughout the home?


Speaker 3: (16:52)

Is it the artwork that is, um, hanging with care that is made by your kids? When, what is it and identifying those pieces so that as you continue to design a home that you love coming home to, you can continue incorporating those things that you're already doing to make your space feel the way you want it to feel. And if you're starting from scratch, if you haven't identified a negative word or a positive word that your home already currently feels, I want you to think about what you aspire to. I want you to think about what you want your home to feel like. What is it I want you to remember those days of childhood or those days of, um, going into homes, even now as an adult and those homes that make you feel something similar to the way that you want your home to feel, what is it about those spaces?


Speaker 3: (17:42)

Is it about the people? Chances are, it's a strong yes. What is it about those people, but what is it about the spaces? And I want you to start naming those because once you start naming those, it's going to be easier to incorporate into your own space, into your own home design. And we are going to use this moving forward. We're going to use that feeling word, whatever it is you chose along with your aesthetic in order to define and design a space that serves, that serves you, that serves your family and serves your family well. And if you're not sure what I mean by your ACE critic, your own aesthetic, I want you to go back and I want you to listen to episode seven, using Pinterest as a tool in home design. Pinterest is just the tool that we're using in order to decide what our aesthetic is, but it's an important tool.


Speaker 3: (18:36)

So moving forward as we continue having conversations and diving deep into, um, home and how home should feel, and the way home could look, um, we're going to be accessing that feeling word over and over just like we will be accessing the aesthetic over and over. So I want to give you a couple ideas of some, some feeling words that you might associate with your home. Most of these check my box. In fact, I can't narrow it down to just one for how I want my home to feel. So most of these came into play a warm, cozy, inviting, happy, comforting, joyful, charming whimsical. Those are some feeling words that you could associate with being inside of a home. Now, here are some other positive, really positive, um, descriptive words, but these are more along the lines of not necessarily feeling words, but just positive descriptions.


Speaker 3: (19:37)

Like you might find on a real estate ad, lovely, clean stately, large square furnished, alluring, storybook, pristine, breathtaking. We want to avoid those because breathtaking doesn't necessarily elicit a feeling. So now that you have your feeling word, your, your positive feeling word, and now that you have your aesthetic defined, we're going to be able to move forward in a way that, um, can really, that can really help you design a home that you really want to come home to. That we are designing a home and a space that is a space that you're not battling with. It's a space that serves your family. It's a space that functions well, it's a space that you're not in the time that you have with your family and your, the people you're sharing your home with. You're not competing so much with all of the negative feelings and thoughts associated with that space.


Speaker 3: (20:31)

It is a space that is a respite. It's a welcoming space. It is a space that is inviting for you. And if it's only you, that you share it with, it's still inviting to you. All right, thanks so much for listening. This is the heart of fig and farm at home. Um, creating a space that isn't just lovely on the walls, but it's lovely on the inside. It is a feeling word into so opposite of what Webster would define as an institution, a field or court, somewhere you live permanently home is way more than that. It's a feeling and we're going to embrace that.


Speaker 2: (21:11)

Hey, real quick, before you go, if you learned something new or found value in today's podcast, would you head over to iTunes, to fig and farm at home and leave a review and subscribe to the show? That would be awesome. And if you'd like to connect with my community of mamas who are learning to be intentional storytellers within their own homes, join us at bit dot L Y forward slash design 1 0 1 group. There's always more room at the table. See you soon.