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Ep. 2 - "What is the worst that can happen?"

*A note from the author: This podcast episode (as well as all future episodes) will be transcribed automatically. The author is currently aware of, and getting hives at the thought of, all of the grammatical errors she's finding as she proof reads her transcript. She recognizes that her former English teachers are likely rolling over in their graves, if that is where they currently reside, but also knows that some things just have to give. Please feel free to listen instead and be sure to read non-podcast posts so you can rest assured that she does, in fact, know how to compose written words into proper story telling.*

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What is the worst that can happen? Really? I asked myself that question in home design all the time. If I'm contemplating a new risky choice, like my black door, what is the worst that can happen? I might have to repaint it and that's going to take some work. Really. The worst that can happen would be that I have to replace the door. I don't think it's going to come to that. In home design the worst that can happen is that you don't like it and you might have to start fresh. But that question, what is the worst that can happen, is a question I ask my children all the time. So often that the other day, my son Owen was doing something hard and brave and I could hear him from the other room repeating, "what is the worst that can happen? What is the worst that can happen?"

And honestly, I am so glad he's asking himself that question. I am so glad I have said that to nauseum that they are now asking themselves that question independently of me.

But let me tell you what happened this spring that really got me to the point of taking the plunge into this podcast, because I had failed to ask myself that question, what is the worst that can happen until this? So all of my children play soccer and they do it at different levels. They do it recreationally. They do it for the local team. And my oldest son plays for both the local team and the state team. And he's pretty good. We kind of see that maybe he'll go on if he wants to, to play in college. But he had this opportunity to go to a tryout for a traveling team, an international team. And if you know soccer, you know that soccer in the U S is nothing compared to what it is internationally. And there was a team coming from Europe who were scouting and he went to the tryouts. Okay. As parents, we didn't expect that he was going to make the team at all, but we knew that this level of competition would be bigger than what he has seen before and what he has played with before and so we encouraged him to try out and he was nervous like anyone would be when they're trying something new and trying out a new thing. And we asked him that question, "what is the worst that can happen?" And we determined that the worst that can happen is that we don't make the team. Asking ourselves this question helped keep perspective and helped us from going down a rabbit hole of "oh my gosh, we're going to have to pack up and sell our house and drop out of school and move to Germany." We weren't going there. We were literally asking yourself, what is the worst that can happen? And the worst that could happen in this case was that we paid a little money to have this special tryout. We wouldn't recoup that money and he wouldn't make the team.

So it's the day of the tryout. And I actually didn't take Owen. Greg took Owen, but I heard about it. The minute Owen stepped onto the field I got a phone call from Greg and it went something like this. Owen got out of the car and he's dressed to play. And if you know Owen you know that he is like two dimensional. He is tall and he is super skinny and he could blow away in a stiff wind. And the people he was playing against were like grown men. They were at least a foot taller and at least 40 pounds heavier and they had defined muscles...and they were grown men. They probably were shaving too! And Owen's eyes got really big. And he got a little scared. He didn't say anything to Greg, but he went out there and he did his thing. And he actually did really, really well. He, he held his own, he played great. He held his own and that's really what we could expect. Right. We wanted that for him. And he had a great time. So really great things. He played well and he had a great time - two of the best outcomes we could have gotten. Okay. He didn't make the team. This is no surprise to us. He didn't make it. And that's okay. We really wanted him to play against people who are a little bit bigger, stronger, faster to see what it could look like moving forward, because his goal, and we know his goal has been to school for a very long time.

His goal is to play in college. We don't know what college yet. I'm hoping for the one down the street. Moms can dream right?

But that really got my eyes open. You know, sending him what felt like to the wolves made me realize and made me honestly take the plunge of this podcast. I had been asking my boys, what is the worst that can happen anytime they have been afraid to try something new. And we really, I mean, we literally make a list. What is the worst that can happen? And I had not done that for myself. There has been a lot of times, especially in the past few years, that that I have intentionally made decisions to be a role model for my kiddos. Like the time I put on the referee outfit to referee the basketball game, the season that my son played in sixth grade. Okay. No one ever in the history of ref likes the refs. No one. I've never met anyone who says ref you had a great game. And I put on the outfit and it was intentional because I wanted to be front and center to my boys playing. I wanted to be at every game. I wanted to be the first one there cheering them on. I want it to be the first one there to pick them up when they fell down, I wanted to be the first one there to hug them when they got off the court. And if I couldn't be their coach that year, I was going to be the ref. And I laughed when they asked me, I thought it was the funniest thing because no one likes refs, but I did it and I ended up enjoying it. And when I asked myself, what is the worst that can happen? Well, you know, cans and tomatoes and rotten eggs thrown at me, but that didn't happen. And so that is good.

But in this case, in the case of the podcast, I didn't ask myself that question until Owen stepped off the field that day. And I finally did. And what is the worst that can happen? One person listens and that person, isn't a busy mom. That person is my husband, who I know will listen, and who I know will be proud of my bravery. But that is literally the worst that can happen - I try something and it doesn't work out the way I meant to. But the thing that has been holding me back from doing this, cause I had thought about doing a podcast for a couple of years. The thing that was holding me back was this idea that I might look stupid. People might say, who is she? What does she know? Who does she think she is? She doesn't even have a degree in home decorating. Why would I believe her? You know, those kinds of things, those fears that get in your mind. You know what I have decided?! Honestly, I don't care. I just don't care about those things. If the idea of what someone might think about me is so big that it's keeping me from doing the thing that I think I should. If it's keeping me from loving the way I think I should, keeping me from serving the way I think I should, keeping me from moving forward in the way that I think God is intending me to... I don't know. That's not the life I want to live. So here I am and it's incredibly vulnerable. I can't even tell you, it is like going to the first day on a new job and sitting in a glass office, while speaking on the intercom! Oh, and maybe you're naked. So throw all of those things in there together. And here we are on the journey.

But I want to talk to you about my intentional decision for starting on June 15th. That was intentional. Two years ago, on June 15th, I had a conversation with some very good friends. These are friends who had really become like family while we were living in Iowa. And these are friends who ask all the questions. They do not live on the surface. You could ask them about the weather and they would be saying, well, tell me your theory behind why you need that parka. I don't know. They just don't live on the surface and it is a really good thing. They infuse love and laughter and life and intentionality and faith into absolutely everything. And it's beautiful. And we were having breakfast. June 15th was the wife's birthday. We were having breakfast and the husband asked me how fig & farm was and how life is going. You know, all of those - we were just catching up. But when he was talking to me about my business, he asked me what was kind of a normal question - where do you see things going from here? And what do you dream about? And I was so taken aback, not necessarily at the question, but at the idea that I could have said, in that moment, absolutely anything. And they would have had faith in me. They would have believed that whatever I would have said in that moment that I can make possible. And that was profound. And I am hoping today that you have someone in your life who believes enough in you, that you can begin believing in yourself.

So here we are, we're starting the podcast.

I want to tell you a little bit about where I want to take you on this journey, where I think we're going to be going and the conversations we're going to be having. I believe that home is essential for growth. I believe that it is essential for raising strong, smart, capable faith-filled humans. And when we create a home that is a nurturing environment, we can set these little guys out into the world to be strong, smart, capable faith-filled adults. And so for me, it all starts at home, what environment you want to create. And as much as I love decorating, and I think it's so much fun I think that the beauty of home isn't just on the walls, it's what's within it. And so fig & farm (at home) is about storytelling. I believe that homes are the canvas for telling stories, for telling great stories.

When you are gone, you're going to leave behind you a legacy and that legacy is generally your children. And what is it that you want that legacy to be?

So if we think about our homes as stories, storybooks, and you, you busy sweet mamas as the authors, we get to create that, right? When you walk into your door, how do you see life infused into the way that you've decorated? How do you see you, your children, your husband, your dog, your, whoever you're living with, how do you see you reflected back in that space? When you walk into that living room or wherever, do you, does it read Dani? Does it read Stephanie? Does it read Linda? Who does read? And if it isn't reading you, then it should be, and if it isn't reading your kids, it should be. And what I don't mean is that we should have all kinds of smatterings of tchotchkes and our kids' toys laying around on the floor. I don't mean that, but the things that you surround yourself with in your home, are they inherently you? Do they reflect you?

So we're going to be talking about that. We're also going to be talking about this myth that has really sprung up in the last few years that I feel like is a trap that is not being addressed. And that is the Pinterest Perfect trap. And I know we've seen like Pinterest fails and things like that in like the decorating realm or not the decorating, the like cake decorating or the cookie making, or, you know, that kind of thing. And they're funny, they really can be funny, you know, those Pinterest perfect things, but there is a phenomenon right now that I feel like is pervasive and that is our homes should be Pinterest Perfect. And I just don't think that's the truth. We're going to be talking about that in detail coming up. But the reality is those pictures that we see on Pinterest and the pictures we see on Instagram and the TV shows on HGTV, although entertaining and beautiful and inspiring, they are all highly curated. What they're not showing you is what is behind the camera? What is, what pile of junk is laying behind the camera man. I think it's okay to aspire, to have a home that makes you feel the way those pictures feel, but we need to do it with you in mind. And so that's my job. It's to help you understand what it is that you want your home to be telling, to be saying, to be reflecting and then infusing your aesthetic.

You will not hear me talking about styles specifically, because I think that you can infuse a couple of different ones. I think that you can mesh your style as a reflection of you, and it doesn't have to just be fit into one nice, neat little package box with a bow that says boho or nautical or farmhouse. Your overall aesthetic can be a reflection of you. So we're going to go there. I think too design is super accessible for people. We can thank Joanna Gaines and Shae McGee, and we can thank Nate Berkus. I think we can thank these designers who have now become household names and I think that is so fantastic. But here's another problem. Once you start recognizing these little products that you see in the stores and you bring them home and you're not necessarily sure what to do with it, and now you have a look that doesn't quite feel right, but gosh, you sure love that style. That's problematic too. So we're going to be talking about that. Really doing some practical implementations of how to make it work, how to make your home feel cohesive, how to make it feel like the home that you want it to. We're going to be talking about the importance of feeling. And you've heard me say that over and over already today, your home should feel a certain way. And so we're going to identify words that we want to be, that when people come over, we want them to feel that way in your home. Do we want them to feel joyful, cozy, warm, fun, whatever, whatever that word is. We're going to be talking about that.

We're going to be talking about intentional living. You know, I've shared two stories today about me being super intentional and that's great, but I am so inspired by people who I see living intentionally, the relationships they have with their children, their spouses, the choices they make to homeschool. All of the things that they're doing to create a legacy for their family and their children that they believe are important. And so we're going to be talking about that to hopefully inspire some of you mamas into making more intentional choices for your own family. We're going to be having interviews with different people who I've worked with, who have made a breakthrough. You know, there are so many limiting beliefs that are keeping us stuck in inaction or keeping us stuck in the comparison. I this like on Pinterest, when we see pretty pictures that keep us from moving forward into creating a home environment that we really think serves us and serve us well. Some of the clients that I've worked with each one of them has had their own breakthrough, and we're going to be chatting with them to see what it is that got them to have that breakthrough, what it is that helped them to turn the corner into really loving the house that they call home and really creating an environment that serves them ultimately.

So we're really talking about a lot of great things and, and of course I want to hear from you. So if you have anything that you want to know, I do want you to pop into my DMs at fig & farm on Instagram or at fig & farm on Facebook. Our homes don't have to be perfect to be beautiful. We don't have to be perfect parents. We don't have to throw the perfect party. We don't have to have the perfect matching drapes that hang all the way down to the floor and pool, the exact two inches. We don't have to do that. And that should not be our goal. Our goal should be to love and to love well, to be able to equip each other, to serve and to serve well, to be able to pour into our children and our spouses...and that all starts at home. So if we can make our home a reflection of us and a beautiful place to be both inside the walls and on the walls, that's a good thing.

All right, next time, we're talking about limiting beliefs that might be keeping you stuck from decorating your home and how I, how I'm just not buying any of them. I'll see you next week.

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